Overcoming Offenses, Being Offended, Forgiveness
This devotional topic is Part 3 of the Offenses and Forgiveness series. In Part 1, we discussed Luke 17:1. We broke down the origins and definitions of offenses and being offended. We learned that offenses are inevitable, but allowing offenses to provoke us to sin is a choice. This means that it is possible to live life unoffended by offenses. In Part 2, we discuss the tools needed to overcome offenses, wisdom and discernment. Today, we will delve more into how to overcome offenses utilizing the wisdom and discernment, from a practical standpoint and a spiritual and biblical standpoint. Both are one in the same, but we will review them both. Remember, offenses will come, which is why we must be equipped to control the impact it has on us by managing ourselves. Let’s get started. Please read the scripture below.
Questions To Think About: Do you think that this scripture (James 1:19-20) can be done without wisdom and discernment? Can you honestly say that you are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger on a consistent basis?
Let’s pick back up at the 3-step process of righteousness from the previous devotional posts.
Wisdom + Discernment + Wisdom = Righteousness (overcoming offenses)
Remember, we discussed that the dictionary definition of the word “overlook” is not congruent to its word origin. The dictionary says that “overlook” means “failure to see”. However, its word origin is from the Middle English term, “overlokken”, meaning to scrutinize, to closely examine. This correlates with our scriptures today. In order to overlook offenses as the scripture states, we must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
Quick To Listen, Slow to Speak
Have you ever been in a conversation and found yourself waiting for your turn to speak? I call it a double dutch method, just waiting to jump in and have your turn to speak! That is the difference between listening and the double dutch method. Usually, we hear a piece of something we want to comment on and put all of our focus on finding a pause to intervene in the conversation. Well, this is the opposite of what this scripture is saying. Let’s look at the definition of the word “quick’.
Quick – Moving fast or doing something in a short time; (of a person) prompt to understand, think, or learn; Intelligent, at a fast rate
Going by the dictionary definition of “quick”, does it really make sense in the scripture? Can you listen “at a fast rate”? Let’s find the word origin.
The word “quick” derives from the Old English term, cwic or cwicu, the Dutch term kwiek, meaning sprightly, and the German term keck or zōē, meaning life or saucy. The Latin term for “quick” is vivus, meaning alive. Again, the word origin of “quick” is different. Have you ever heard of the term, “The quick and the dead”? It was not only in a scripture, but it was also a movie. Check out the scripture below.
Furthermore, we can conclude that in James 1:19-20, the term quick means “alive, lively, sprightly, or eager”. Why is it important for us to be eager to listen to others? When we actively or eagerly listen to others, we gain a better understanding of them because we are not God. So, we do not know everything, and understanding brings wisdom, which is one of the tools needed to overcome offenses. If you are eagerly listening to understand, you are not speaking…Hence, slow to speak! It is wise, especially in confrontational and potentially offensive conversations, to speak or comment after actively listening to the other person(s) perspective as it minimizes conflict. Often times, conversations that turn into arguments and offended people were due to a misunderstanding or miscommunication. So, take time to eagerly and actively listen to the other communicator(s) and pause before speaking to collect and process your thoughts. This is not only wise, but it is also good communication.
Slow To Anger
Being slow to anger is a little more difficult because we are all human and have human emotions. This takes emotional intelligence. I have mentioned this a few times this term week. Emotional intelligence can be defined as the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. When you can manage your emotions, you can put more of an effort in active listening to gain the communicator’s perspective. Let’s focus on the last part of James 1:19-20. It says that HUMAN anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Human Anger. What usually happens when humans get angry? Well, we often act in an irrational manner that does not align with God’s Word, which usually means unfavorable or regrettable consequences, such as more offenses, offended people, and hostility. This scripture, James 1:19-20 is instructions to protect us from ourselves. Let’s review another scripture. Read the scripture below.
This scripture is essentially saying that we should not put emphasis the negative comments of others because we know, at some point in our lives, that we have done the same thing. In the first portion, “Also, do not take seriously everything that is said, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you,” the word seriously does mean of importance in this instance. Why do you think that God is saying that we should not take other people’s negative comments toward you? Well, who is your source and creator? Who defines who you are?
Was it another human being? If not, then why waste the time and energy to take in negative things from other human beings? Why waste your time on being offended about someone that cannot save themselves, let alone you or anyone else? It doesn’t make sense, right? Also, do not get hung up on the word, “servant” because we are ALL servants of each other. A servant is a devoted supporter or helper. We are all supposed to serve one another. Check out the scripture below.
You must be thinking, “I am not supposed to be a pushover, but courageous. I am supposed to overlook/examine offenses, but not take them seriously. I am supposed to use wisdom and the discernment that God gave me to overcome offenses, but how?” I will give you a simplified answer. Your wisdom and God-given discernment will tell you how. However, if you need a more practical answer, here it is.
Offenses can be divided into 3 categories:
Teflon – Insignificant, outlandish offenses with no effect on you whatsoever; offenses that are clearly given in the attempt to rattle you.
We must ignore or shake off Teflon offenses. Just let them slide right off. It is not worth your time or energy.
Light work – Offenses that may be due to misunderstandings or miscommunication; controllable offenses that may have an effect on you, such as in a professional setting
We can resolve this type of offense on our own with wisdom, God-given discernment, and effective communication. When I say on our own, I mean handled on the earthly realm. God will not do what you can do for yourself.
Not Mine – Uncontrollable Offenses that cause significant detriment. Offenses that we cannot handle on our own; offenses that are completely out of our hands.
When this type of offense comes your way, you must use discernment to realize that it is not yours, but God’s. These offenses need to be forwarded to God and left at His feet. (It is important that you leave it there.)
PAUSE... We want to hear from you!
Review the 3 categories of offenses listed above. Which offense category do you most often encounter?
"Teflon"
"Light Work"
"Not Mine"
I'm not sure.
Our tools wisdom and discernment play a vital role in determining the category of offenses. Looking back on all of the scriptures for the week, can you see the connection in each about overcoming offenses?
Luke 17:1 – Offenses are inevitable; the person that commits the offense will suffer the consequences
Proverbs 19:11 – Wisdom produces emotional intelligence; We are to examine offenses
James 1:19-20 – We must be eager to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger; Anger does not produce righteousness.
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 – Don’t take the bad things that people say about you seriously; we’ve done that same thing to others.
I used to struggle with categorizing offenses. I took on every offense that came my way. This resulted in total burnout. I was completely exhausted, all because I was fighting battles I was never meant to fight. The main reason I did this is because I wanted the offender to have some type of consequences for offending me. I never stopped to think that I should pass some of those offenses to the Almighty God, my Father in Heaven. Nor did I think that some offenses were miniscule and not important enough to waste my time and energy. These two scriptures helped me to really let go and give it to God.
Those are hardcore scriptures! God always keeps His Word. So, we can be confident in that. We will conclude this week briefly discussing forgiveness. We must forgive all offenses. Notice that I did not say forget as these are two totally different words. Forgiveness frees us from the bondage of being offended, angry, and hardened so that we can live peacefully, with gratitude and love in our hearts. No matter the offense, whether its “Teflon”, “light work”, or “Not Mine”, carry out the proper protocol as the scriptures state and forgive the offender to release yourself from experiencing the detriment that resulted after the offense.
CALL-TO-ACTION
In addition to the previous activities in Part 1 and Part 2 of Overcoming Offenses, search the Bible for scriptures that can help you in overcoming offenses. Write your scripture(s) on an index card, post-it notes, and/or screenshot it in your phone or tablet. Whichever you decide to do, make sure the scripture(s) are easily accessible to you. Also, read each scripture several times a day to get embed it in your subconscious mind. Also, if you struggle with forgiveness, ask God to help you with this.
PRAYER
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for giving us the privilege of being Your children. You are good, merciful, and kind. Thank you for never leaving us, even when times seem bleak. You have said in your word that offenses are inevitable. You have given us instructions to overcome offenses. And you have also declared that vengeance is yours. Help us to use wisdom and the discernment that you have given us to maintain emotional intelligence, categorize offenses, and carry out your instructions for it. Help us to live life unoffended and remember that if you are for us, no one can stand against us. And help us to forgive others as you have repeatedly forgiven us. Thank you for all that you have revealed this week as we discussed offenses.
It is in Jesus’s Name we pray.
AMEN.
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God,
I know You love me. I believe You died and rose from the dead for my sins. Please forgive me for my sins. I give you my heart and soul. Please be my Savior and Lord. Transform me. I desire to align with Your Will. Thank you for Your faithfulness and Your Love.
It is in Jesus’s name I pray.
Amen.
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~ Luke 15:10
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References and Resources
(Overcoming Offenses, Being Offended, Forgiveness) References / Resources
Landry, S. (2022). Whole: A Guided Workbook of Life. Beaumont: Westbow Press.
Mack, D. (2022, September 11). Cathedral of Faith Baptist Church - COFBC. Retrieved from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfdC6fHEz9c