Essential Qualities of a Good Man
NOTE: Let me start off by saying this. These next few devotionals are sensitive topics in today’s society. Nevertheless, it is imperative that it be discussed. With that being said, the information will be rooted or confirmed in scriptures, The Word of God. I may also use statistical facts, from reliable sources (psychology, science, and other credible resources) to explain certain aspects of these devotionals. For the next several weeks, we will be discussing marriage. To do this, we must start where it all started, with a man and a woman. Each devotional in this BLUEPRINT series will be working its way up to the key to a successful, happy marriage by breaking down its components, just as Jesus did when He was asked about marriage and divorce (Matthew 19:1-11). So, let’s get started!
In Part 1 of Essential Qualities of a Good Man, we discussed the characteristics or qualities of a godly man and husband. In Part 2, we will delve into what a man must do to be a godly man and/ or husband. Also, we will review some of the things that women can do to support men on their journey to growth. Let’s get to it!
Keep in mind that as Christians or followers of Christ, we are supposed to manifest God's kingdom on earth. Our purpose is to bring God's culture to this dysfunctional world. It all begins with the male Man, the blueprint of humanity.
In addition to honoring God by remaining in His presence, keeping His commandments, and consistently fellowship with Him, a man should do the following:
Acknowledges that he needs help. Even though we were created in God’s
image, we, including men, are not God. The Bible says that our help comes from God. He is our Source. God will never give us a life that makes Him unnecessary. Plus, we were built for community, which means that we are supposed to help each other. Generally, men are taught at an early age that being a “real man” means that they must “stand on their own two feet,” show no fear, and take on the world. Men, you can do all this; it does not mean you have to do it without help. I will rephrase it. You cannot do any of this without help. The only reason we are able to live and breathe in and out is because of God’s grace and provision. That should relieve some pressure for someone.
Be vulnerable and open with God. God knows every care, need and concern anyway. He just needs your permission (through prayer and agreement) to fulfill it. You have not because either you ask not or your motives are wrong. Also, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to worship and praise God. There is power in praise and worship. Remember, our relationship with God is a partnership because He gave us dominion over Earth. Read the scriptures below.
Accepts his weakness so he can get the help he needs. Everyone has weaknesses. There’s no shame in that because the Bible says that God’s grace is sufficient for us, and His power is made perfect in our weakness. Read the scripture below.
Additionally, your wife, your “good thing,” is part of God’s design to help you with those weaknesses. Express your challenges to your wife. She needs your vulnerability. That’s called intimacy. Take the help.
Admits he does not know everything. Again, although we are made in His image, we are not God. We are not omniscient (all-knowing). Men, remember your responsibility to lead and educate your household on how to live a godly life. How can you do this if you are not educated yourself? This leads us to the next key, educating yourself.
Educates himself. Ignorance is far more expensive than acquiring knowledge
(Proverb 4:7). Read or listen to educational books, especially The Bible, the only book that is alive and always relevant. Get advice from good, godly men that are in successful marriages about relationships. Guys, does it make sense to get marital advice from a womanizer that is on his 4th marriage? No. Does it make sense to take advice from a person that has not been where you are trying to go in life? No. You must seek out wise people that have experienced and overcome challenges that you deal with. Take advice from people that are wiser than you and have successfully achieved the goals in which you are seeking to achieve. Don’t be like King Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12: 1-22. Read the scriptures below. Let this young king’s mistake serve as a lesson to you.
Magnifies his strengths by utilizing them in positive ways. Just as we all have weakness; we all have strengths. God gave us different abilities for a reason. We all come fully equipped to carry out our purpose, which is hidden within us. God gave everyone specific strengths according to their predestined purpose. This goes for everyone. However, because men are the BLUEPRINT of mankind, the head cornerstone of their family, and a key factor for his generations, it is especially important that they magnify their strengths in positive ways. Read the scriptures below.
Knows that he is not a bad man; he is a good man that has done bad things.
In Genesis, God said His creation of Man is good. Yes, sin entered the world, but that does not mean that God’s creation is bad. So, don’t be so hard on yourself. We all fall short of God’s glory. Men, you are no different. Even though men do carry a heavy weight in the family, it does not mean that they are not forgiven. Ask for forgiveness, and God will forgive you. People that you have affected may be slower to forgive you; all you can do is apologize and consistently strive to do better. Your life choices often affect the family for generations. Nevertheless, you can always repent, turn away from sin, and be redeemed by God for yourself and your family. It is never too late. That lie is one of the tricks of the enemy. If you have breath in your body, you still have work to do on this earth.
Be vulnerable with his wife. She is his helpmate; she’s here for it! Husbands, let your wives do what a wife was designed to do; let her help you with your weakness and struggles. She will respect you more for your honesty and vulnerability. Again, the man/husband/father is the cornerstone of the family. Even though men are built for it by God’s designed, that’s a lot of weight and pressure, which is why God said that it is not good for that man(a godly man that remains in God’s presence, is operating in his purpose, and can cultivate and sustain a family) to be alone.
FOR THE WOMEN
100 years ago, women did not have equal rights to men (In the United States). Throughout American history, there was the women’s suffrage movement in the 1920s, then the Equal Rights Amendment in 1972, which applied differently according to race. Before that, women were to be at home with the kids. The man ran the house. The economy and war changed this. Men went off to war, women had to work outside the homes. When the men came back from war, women were working outside the home while taking care of the kids. This jolted the traditional roles and family dynamics, which left the man confused of his role in the home.
Now, generations later, (in certain countries) women continue to thrive. Women have become educated, career-driven, goal-oriented, and independent, adapting to this culture of disfunction and disorder of things. Women have their own theme songs and slogans like, “Run the World (Girls),” “Girl Power,” “I’m Every Woman”, and “Independent Woman”. Today, the woman has multiple college degrees, her own money, house, cars, and kids from a previous relationship when the man pursues her. The problem with this is, “How can a man add to you?” The man does not know his place or even how to be a man for us because we have already dominated it all! So, the man becomes confused about his role, frustrated, and angry because he feels emasculated, which spawns, adultery, domestic violence, resentment, making kids with multiple women out of wedlock, and abandoning his family. Yes, throughout the generations women have been doing it on our own for so long, we have been programmed to think that strong means doing it all with little to no help. I have witnessed women referring to women with a husband that takes responsibility for the household as weak or powerless. Let me say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with ambitious, educated, driven, successful women. We have simply adjusted to the circumstances in which we were placed. Sometimes, that means doing things on our own and becoming independent to make things happen. In fact, those are some of the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman, which we will discuss in the next devotional. The Bible says that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of his wife (1 Corinthians 11: 3 and Ephesians 5:23). Remember, the husband is to protect or cover his wife. This does not mean that he rules over his wife, nor does it mean that he is superior. The husband’s responsibility is weightier than the wife. Why? She is the helper. He is the sustainer, the provider, the protector, and the bond that holds the family together. He must ensure that His family knows how to live a godly life. (Review the previous devotional for details on this.) The Husband and wife are equal partners; they are one flesh, a unit.
So, women, what can we do to help the men? Here are some things to remember.
You are the “good thing.” The scripture says that a man that finds a wife finds a good thing. This means women should not be “on the prowl.” Men are hunters by nature. When the woman pursues the man, it takes away and lessen the chance of a healthy relationship. Just think ladies, if this man does not approach you, he may be in another relationship, or you are not on his radar. We will discuss this more later in the series. Either way, this can reduce the probability that the relationship will last. Eve did not pursue Adam, and God did not tell Adam to marry Eve, which cancels out people saying, “God told me that we are supposed to be together.” LIES. God presented Eve to Adam and Adam got excited and took her as his wife. God would not make that decision for you because it takes away your free will.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Women need to be loved; men need to be respected. God said husbands, love your wives and wives respect your husbands. Also, men need praise. It could be for the smallest thing. For example, it can be, “Sweetheart, thank you for taking out the trash.,” or “I love watching you with our kids. You are such a good father.”, or “Honey, I’m glad you’re home.” When you do this, the man subconsciously looks for ways to satisfy us because he wants to be his wife’s hero. Wives, you should be your husband’s biggest cheerleader.
Wives, prioritize your husbands. He is your priority and vice versa. Read the scripture below.
WIVES ONLY: Men/Husbands desire sex. I emphasize “wives only” because you should not be having sex if you are not married. Sex was created by God
for married husband and wife. Sex is a unification depiction of a husband and wife, bonded by a vow to God, share intimacy and physically become one flesh (Like The Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is One).
Wives, start initiating sex more with your husbands. Men do not like feeling like they are raping their wives for sex, nor do they like feeling like they are dirty or perverted for wanting sex from their wives, which is a natural part of marriage. Dr. Myles Munroe gives the analogy of a car to explain the needs of a man and a woman as both have needs to function. He stated that a car needs gas to function. We must go to a gas station often to keep the car running. Do we drink gas? No. Do we need gas for our bodies to function? No. Do we still need to get gas for our cars? Yes. What happens when you stop at a gas station that is out of gas? Do we forget about gas? No, we must go to another gas station so that we can keep the car running, right? It is the same for husbands with sex. They come to their wives for sex. If she withholds sex from him, it strengthens the probability of the marriage bond weakening or gives way to infidelity. The same is true for women and affection. Men desire sex; women desire affection. We will discuss affection more when we discuss women. This is not to say that men don't want affection or women don't want sex. Usually, men desire sex more than affection and women desire affection more than sex. Please note, I'm not referring to people with medical conditions that are unable to have sex or other significant circumstances that inhibit sexual activity. That is entirely different and an exception to what I am expressing. A marriage can still thrive without sex because intimacy can be achieved without sex. We will discuss intimacy more when we discuss marriage. I am referring to individuals that withhold sex from their spouse. Here is another thought. Sex is not a bargaining tool or a means to punish! Neither is affection! So, do not withhold sex from your spouse.
Fix yourself up! Looks and attractiveness matter to men because they are visual beings. So, wives, keep the hair curlers, head rags, holey old house coats, tattered, dirty clothes, chipped nails, ashy skin, disheveled, grunge look to an absolute minimum. Try to eliminate it all together! Did you do that when you were dating? I’m guessing not. So, keep that same energy after you are married. Give your husband a vision to look forward to when he comes home from work. Again, we will discuss this in the next devotional when we delve into the Proverbs 31 woman.
A wife compliments her husband.
We will delve into this more in the next devotional in this series. Have you ever heard the saying, “Behind every good man is a good woman.”? This saying is not referring to physical position but metaphorical. The late Dr. Myles Munroe gave an excellent example of this. He described and compared two wives with different responses to the same scenario. Imagine if a couple had an important meeting at a fancy restaurant with the husband’s associates and colleagues. What if the wife demeaned her hardworking husband because of their current living status, complained about having to attend the event with him, and displayed a sour look on her face the entire night? Is that complimenting him? No. How about if a wife supported and encouraged her husband despite the living conditions, took pride in how she looks for herself and her husband, ensured he looked his best, and offered her perspective with respect? That is not only respect, but it fortifies her influence. A godly man or husband is more likely to be vulnerable and show more love to the second example of a wife than the first. Then, Dr. Munroe added details to the second wife with an example of how she treats her husband. She notices at the table that her husband’s collar was out or his hair is sticking up. She sweetly whispers for him to follow her, grabs his hand, takes him to the side, embraces him, fixes his hair and clothes with a smile, and walks back to the table. No one realized why she did what she did. All they seen was the affection she displayed and the huge smile on his face as he walked back to the table behind his wife! A godly man that has that type of support can surpass the man without it. This brings us to our next point. Influence.
Influence is one of the many superpowers of a woman!
Men are usually physically stronger (the stronger vessel), but women are usually emotionally and mentally stronger. There are numerous examples in the Bible alone. Eve influenced Adam to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 3:6); Sarah influenced Abraham to have a baby with their servant, Hagar (Genesis 16:2); Deborah, the only female judge in the Bible, led Israel into a new era of peace for 40 years (Judges 4); Delilah influenced Samson (Judges 16:15- 17); Ruth’s hard work and character influenced Boaz (Ruth 3:10-11); Jezebel’s influence was so strong that it struck fear in Elijah as she is still referred to today (a Jezebel spirit) as her wickedness and deceitfulness caused significant detriment (I Kings 19:1-5); and Queen Esther’s influence on her husband, Persian King Xerxes, saved her people (The Jews) from oppression (Esther 8:1-14). These are just a few examples in the Bible. There are countless examples today as well. Be it positive or negative, the influence of women has undeniably helped write history. Even though it may not seem like much, a woman’s influence is vital to this world. Women, remember this, and use your influence to build up, not tear down. Read the scripture below.
Men need a safe place just like women. Be the safe place for the openness and vulnerability to happen. Society says that men should not cry. Today’s culture defines a man’s strength in his ability to be silent and unemotional. So, most men are uncomfortable with expressing emotions. Those bottled-up emotions can result in aggressive behavior, compulsiveness, or him shutting down altogether.
Jerry Maguire is a good movie, but the famous, “You complete me” IS NOT accurate. Women, please take the pressure off yourself and off the men.
It is pointless to try to find a man to complete you or to try to complete a man. We are not God. So, it is not our responsibility to fix anyone. As stated on the pyramid above, we are all complete because when God starts a work it is already completed. God said that Man or human beings, His creation, Man is good. Any mentality of incompleteness is a result of that individual being disconnected from Him, our Source. God does not pull away from us; we pull away from Him. Keep that in mind.
Call-To-Action
These next few call-to-action devotionals with be simple, review, reflect, evaluate and apply. Then, repeat! Refer back to this content as often as necessary.
Review the content in the devotional.
Reflect on your lifestyle or how you live your life.
Evaluate your life, your behavior, your perspective.
Apply and utilize the content in this devotional.
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If you haven’t accepted GOD’S INVITATION OF SALVATION and want to do so now, earnestly pray this prayer:
God,
I know You love me. I believe You died and rose from the dead for my sins. Please forgive me for my sins. I give you my heart and soul. Please be my Savior and Lord. Transform me. I desire to align with Your Will. Thank you for Your faithfulness and Your Love.
It is in Jesus’s name I pray.
Amen.
All of heaven rejoices when one person accepts THE INVITATION to salvation.
~ Luke 15:10
CONGRATULATIONS!
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References
Understanding Men And Women's Needs By: Myles Munroe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNa9ZGrhL-8
The Purpose & Power Of The Male Man | Understanding The Source of True Manhood By: Myles Munroe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgD2OKmwJuk
Changes in Gender Roles and Family Life
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-ushistory1ay/chapter/changes-in-gender-roles-and-family-life/
The Rise of the Working Wife: A momentous change in the status of women began in the 1950s.
https://www.historytoday.com/history-matters/rise-working-wife
20 Famous Women of the Bible
https://www.learnreligions.com/influential-women-of-the-bible-4023025
Unpacked: Upset the Vows, Part 9 - Tim & Juliette Ross with Jenna Mountain, LPC, CST, CSE (GLORIOUS SEX)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luWRiLaSlqU&t=13s
Tim Ross "Upset The Vows: Part 9 - Glorious Sex" - Embassy City Church
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rQ1ThtvfKg
Unpacked: Upset the Vows, Part 3 - Tim & Juliette Ross (LET'S GET NAKED)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfdbkqTTjiY
Unpacked: Upset the Vows, Part 6 - Tim & Juliette Ross (HELP EACH OTHER)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wor6R5HqnL4